slow dancing in a burning room

After all, I still find myself crying in the middle of the night thinking about you. You and your stupidity, all your silly-ness that I have finally managed to understand. To accept, i think. I miss them. All the arguments. In fact, I can’t really recall the memory of our time being in love. But I can remember all the arguments, all the fuss and fight vividly. My head is like this broken tape, keep playing them in reply. I’ve been observing us in the past. I’ve learned and found myself as guilty as I thought you were. Baby, I am now a better student at understanding you. I want you back.

I’m not sure if this love or not. Its not like what I feel before. Its not passionate. Not like I get all turn on just by thinking about you. This time I feel the needs of spending my life with you. Somehow I have this strong feeling that you are the one that God has sent for me. I’m pretty sure you are. Irrational as it is, I’ve been beggin n chasin you. I’m still here waiting for you. Somehow I’m sure that you feel the same way too but you are just too scared of us. I guess this is what they call the mature love.

People say that it’s only the single blues that makes me feeling this way. Well, I have proven that they all wrong allright. Yes hun, I’ve been fooling around here. Be all that wild wacky bitch again. Guess what, it doesn’t help at all. All the fun and the wasted night can’t get you out of my head, and yet it’s been 4 months we’re apart. I think I’m desperate. As sad as it is, but it’s true. I’m not denying it anymore. I am that pathetic desperate dirty bitch that standing here waiting for you. I can’t imagine myself be with someone else on my death bed but you.

I love you. I love your imperfection. So much.

I don’t know how much longer do I have to wait. I don’t even know that it’s worth it. I know there’s still a chance for you to never coming back. I don’t care though. I’m tired for fighting this feeling. If at the end you find someone else better than me (which I think it’s most possibly happen), then so be it. As you always say:

Here I am, trying to do my best effort to love you without expecting anything in return. I’m trying my best to accept you the way you are. I’m ready for the consequences that I have to take for my decisions. This is a process, I need to be patient. I hope, I wish, I pray that one day you’ll come back with a wedding ring for me.

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Posted in pretty shitty stuff called love